Welcome to Sparkling Surabaya

I have to say, from my first trip to Surabaya with my friend Mel in the beginning of 2012, I wasn't really impressed. The moment we got in the taxi from the bus terminal, the taxi driver informed us that Surabaya was a dark place and that we should go to Malang instead. We laughed it off and continued on to a dodgy guest house in North Surabaya. (Side note: The guest house staff woke us up at 7AM to give us chocolate cake for breakfast. I don't understand you, Surabaya...)

traditional Surabaya breakfast?

North Surabaya actually was a dark place. The streets were dirty, I felt like my feet were constantly dirty. It didn't seem like it really could be the 2nd biggest city in the country because it seemed like the worlds biggest village. 

We ate in malls and didn't really do a lot because there didn't seem like a lot to do. Overall, it didn't seem like such a special place. The last night when we made a trip to Zangrandi ice cream which was definitely a highlight, but overall it seemed like a dull city. 

Surabaya seems like a city that doesn't even want you there. It seems to scream at you "what are you doing here? I hate you, go away!". And it will constantly push you away, make you feel awkward, inept and uncomfortable. At the time, I wouldn't have imagined that I'd ever return to Surabaya, let alone spend three years here.

But, it was only a few weeks later when things started to fall into place. On Valentine's Day, I was on the "romantic" cruise with the idiot from THIS story. Meanwhile, I received an online message from 25 year old Venan on Interpals (a website I was using to practice Indonesian). I didn't reply but he messaged again a few days later and eventually we started chatting. We continued chatting basically every day.

It wasn't really a romantic relationship but there was definitely a bit of flirting going on. We occasionally talked about the possibility of meeting in the future otherwise we never spoke about anything too serious. I guess I had a crush on Venan, but never said anything because meeting someone online seemed weird.

Skype chats

The whole year, I had already planned to move to Indonesia and when it got to the middle of the year and nothing had progressed, I decided I needed a holiday and to start making progress towards my goal. When I found out I could do an English teaching course in Surabaya, I was quickly convinced because it meant I could meet Venan too.

When I told him I was heading to Surabaya, he seemed really excited to meet me and told me he would organise a place for me to stay in and pick me up from the airport.

True to his word, he was there to meet me at the airport. I noticed immediately that he looked different in real life to his profile pictures on Interpals. Maybe the pictures were a few years old? The other thing I noticed immediately was that he reeked of cigarettes which is really not attractive.

Venan excitedly informed me that he had found me a luxury boarding house near my school, complete with hot water and air-conditioning. He drove me there and what I was greeted with was certainly not luxurious in any sense. To be fair, it wasn't actually the worst place but I guess it didn't live up to my hoity-toity Western standards. 

The wall was decorated with a Jack Daniel's poster, the toilet didn't quite work, the shower was a traditional Indonesian mandi (which basically involves scooping water from a trough and pouring it over yourself [actually quite fine when you get used to it]) and the hot water was made by the housekeeper boiling a big pot of water and putting it into the water trough (which I opted not to do). The greatest redeeming quality of the room was the TV which I used to watch music programs pretty much constantly. Anyway, I agreed to stay in the boarding house because I didn't have any other option at the time but I basically felt uncomfortable for the entire month I was there.

My view for one month

Living in luxury...

The surroundings

Venan and I hung out quite a bit but I have to admit he acted a little strangely. He'd come and see me straight after work, he'd go to a restaurant with me but not eat himself, then after an hour he'd tell me he had to go home. He often wore shirts with holes in them and when I asked why he didn't buy new clothes he explained that "food and stuff is cheaper when you look poor". Interesting...

We didn't spend a whole lot of time together but it was pretty clear to me from the beginning that there was no chemistry. Considering we never said anything about dating, I just continued hanging out with him like it was supposed to be a friendship all along. 

It seemed like a good friendship initially. When he was sick he even asked me to come to the hospital with him. That was an interesting experience too. When the nurse came to take a blood sample, she made me leave the room and closed the curtain. Several years before that, I had witnessed my ex-boyfriend in Australia have a hole cut into his chest and a tube shoved in to re-inflate his collapsed lung on our one year anniversary (weird stuff happens in Australia too).

One day, we were sitting in a food stall and I was joking around. I said something along the lines of "So, everyone lies online. What have you lied about?" I didn't suspect he had lied about anything but he immediately responded with an ominous "Do you really want me to tell you?". 

It was then that he went on to admit that he was 30 years old, not 25. To be honest, I don't think I would have cared how old he was had he just told me from the start but after finding out he had lied once, I wasn't sure what else he lied about and it's pretty hard to trust someone after that. He seemed frustrated that I was upset about his lying and announced that he had to go to Bali for work for the weekend (but I suspect he just didn't want to see me for awhile). Later, he told me that I couldn't be angry and that it was my fault because I believed his lie when he didn't even look 25 years old.

I got on with things and felt fine about it eventually. I met a lot of new people and felt pretty content in Surabaya without worrying about Venan too much. We still met up after that. Occasionally we even ate together but I spent more time with other friends. He dragged me to eat bakso (Indonesian style meatballs), though I was reluctant to eat it after a friend told me that it was sometimes made from rat meat. He spent a lot of time assuring me that there was no rats involved but then spent the meal sitting there repeating the Indonesian word for rat ("tikus tikus tikus...") the whole time I ate. This is probably why I feel a little weird when I eat bakso.

Not long after, I celebrated my 23rd birthday with a few friends, some cheese and a few bottles of Bintang beer. Venan showed up during our celebrations to give me a special birthday gift. He gave me a necklace, the pendant on it was the letter V. 
"They didn't have 'S' so I got 'V'. The 'V' is for victory" he explained. Sounds legit...

Then, one evening I met jealous Venan. I was at dinner with an American expat I had met and we were sharing stories about Indonesia. Venan wasn't impressed that I was having dinner with another guy (obviously not realising/caring it was just a friendly dinner). He then went on to send me 20 text messages, which he claimed was not excessive and seemed confused that I didn't reply to them all. He got angry at me for "cheating on him". It was then that I had to awkwardly remind him that we weren't dating.

Not long after that, I left Surabaya. He came to my going away drinks and we hugged each other goodbye and said that we would keep in touch. We didn't. I returned to Surabaya six weeks later but haven't seen him since.

So, it seems a little bad. Some people might say I moved to Surabaya for a guy. But really I moved to Surabaya because I was able to ignore Surabaya's voice when it screamed at me to go away. I was able to see past the rubbish on the street, the awkward cultural misunderstandings and meet people that gave me a reason to stay. I didn't move to Surabaya for a guy, I moved to Surabaya despite the guy. Despite the fact that the city seemed to hate me, at some point I fell in love with it.